My good news
This is “Part 2” to Karl’s Good News
Somewhere in the neighborhood of 13 years ago, I was flying back to Toledo, Ohio vicinity to visit my grandmother Ruth, who was in a nursing home. I am the oldest grandchild and was the only girl on that side until I was 21. Ruth and I were close – for 21 years I was her favorite granddaughter!
Flying from Kalispell, MT to Toledo, OH is not a direct kind of thing. Kalispell to Salt Lake City to Cincinnati, OH to Toledo was the typical route. The Cinci to Toledo leg was a small plane hop.
On this particular trip, in May, as the Salt Lake jet approached Cincinnati there was a sudden lurch to port, unusual low groaning sounds from the engines, a violent lurch to starboard, and then that feeling of a drop. A flight attendant deadheading to Cinci was seated next to me and even she gasped. It did not feel like turbulence. It felt like something horribly wrong. There was an audible intake of breath within the entire plane and then silence. And then things normalized and we landed. And the pilots stayed behind closed doors as we deplaned.
It was an unnerving experience and an unexplained incident.
I boarded a shuttle bus for the outlying small plane terminal. Still unnerved, I saw the weather…dark, anvil clouds surrounded the tarmac.
Cincinnati is a four hour drive from Toledo. I stood in the small plane terminal and thought about renting a car and driving. The thought of getting on another plane, particularly a small plane – and taking the hop through Midwest thunderstorms did not appeal.
But…my grandmother was waiting. And the plan was that I would stop on my way from the airport and pick up Greek food for a shared supper. Ruth did NOT like the bland nursing home food and we both enjoyed Greek. It was the plan and she would be waiting. If I drove, I would not make it in time for our shared supper.
I boarded my scheduled flight.
The turbo jet had 2 seats on each side of the aisle and just enough headroom that I, at 5’ 8” did not have to duck to walk to my seat but it was close quarters. My aisle seat was about halfway back. No one was in the window seat.
I was a bit anxious, but mostly impatient. As soon as I have my seat, I’d like everyone else to have theirs and then “let’s get this show on the road!” As people were boarding, the flight attendant fired up her mike and announced, “Please stow all belongings very securely and make sure your seat belts are fastened properly. We have been encountering severe turbulence on our route today and expect our short flight to Toledo to be the same”. ..
I wanted to bolt.
Something made me turn my head. In the row across and behind, a young girl, maybe 5… laid her head down in her father’s lap and snuggled in to sleep. My immediate thought was, “Sure, she can relax, she is with her father.” Memories of the surety that I was safe when my own father was with me came to mind.
My next thought was “I am with MY father too! My heavenly father is with me as sure as that child’s earthly father is with her.” The sequence of thoughts came in rapid fire succession. That urge to look behind me, the sequence of thoughts – the memory is vivid and clear to this day.
The next unbidden thoughts were that I KNEW that the presence of God, my heavenly father, did not mean that the plane would not crash. But, what it did mean to me was that regardless of what happened in my earthly circumstances, God is and will be with me. I believe that this earthly experience is just a small part of existence, but it IS all we consciously know so the things in this experience that are painful are things we fear.
In a way that I don’t have words to explain, seeing that little girl’s trust in her father’s protection, made me aware of my father-God’s protection and I relaxed and enjoyed the flight…which as it turned out, was not very turbulent at all! I arrived in time to pick up the Greek food and enjoy a supper with my grandmother.
It is like a kind of visual mnemonic – the memory of that little girl laying her head down in her father’s lap and feeling no fear – it is the thing that surfaces often when I feel horrible fear. That memory comes to mind and helps me quiet myself and let go of fear and worry.
The recent months: fear of losing Karl, of decisions I might have to make, of putting him through things he might not understand, a fierce desire to will events to happen according to my desires – at times they threatened to overwhelm. All of those fears drove me back to that memory, back to the sure knowledge I have that God is always with me and He is also always with Karl.
I dearly want Karl with me for years and for him to pass away quietly in his sleep after a roaring good day…in the distant future! I prayed for that, for wisdom in decisions for Karl, for gentleness for Karl. I KNOW that all prayers are heard and answered. I also know that the answer to prayer is always right BUT not necessarily what I would want or what seems good to me just as all things a child might want and wish for are not given by a parent – a parent who sees a bigger picture and who knows more than the child…
I don’t understand suffering any more than the next person, I only know that it is part of this existence.
There is a verse:
Isaiah 26:3 “You [God] will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you [God].”
When fear and doubt and worry threatened to overwhelm, I had a choice. I could give in to that fear and lose the Joy of the current moment or I could trust in my Father’s wisdom beyond my understanding and His presence in all circumstances and be grateful for all that I currently had – relax and enjoy the ride.
My prayers now are still for long life for Karl, for gentleness for him, for healing, for wisdom in decisions, but they are also for a faith strong enough to trust – for a mind steadfast.
But ask the animals and they will teach you or the birds of the air and they will tell you
Or speak to the earth and it will teach you or let the fish of the sea inform you.
Which of all these does not know that the hand of God has done this.
In His Hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.
Job 12: 7-10
In His Hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind. – THAT is my good news.
