By the lake
As it has so often these past days, the sky cleared late afternoon and the evening is beautiful. Karl and I walked along the shore until the sun dropped back into the clouds.
Archive for ‘March, 2011’
State of the snow
On seeing the photo from the last post of the field and lake, Marge asked if the snow was mostly gone.
March 31…it seems like it was just early January and I was looking at the two and a half months of winter to go – thinking that spring seemed a long way off. And now, only hours until April 1.
In the valley and even at my house, 100 feet above the valley floor, there is more bare ground than snow.
On our loop walk, there are plenty of spots for a snow loving dog to walk and roll in…
The home woods ground and the driveway are clear with only the piles of snow from plowing and shovelling.
It has been mostly rainy and dreary – good weather for cozying up inside with a small fire going in the woodstove. It is not done snowing here, but it will snow and melt and snow and melt and the day is not far off when I may have to get out a rake and do something about pine needles, pine cones and sticks.
Two things
Yesterday was Karl’s 10th birthday! We zipped into town at lunchtime to pick up a couple of pig’s ears for a birthday treat. He had one yesterday and the other is being saved for later this week.
A quick walk in rain, snow and sleet and then we were on our way home.
This photo shows it all: dark clouds to the right, sunshine from behind and to the left, squalls around the lake and a flock of birds overhead.
The sun won out for a beautiful evening and Karl had a very happy birthday.
Elk herd
There’s one…
…and some more.
This elk herd is around in the winter. I’ve only seen them 2 or 3 times before last night and then this morning. I see their prints and other sign but they tend to move through after dark or before sunrise.
When Karl and I were gone and friend, Sara, was house and Bob sitting, she saw them several times.
They are really a bit odd looking.
And there they go…
A little something from each of us
The sunny, springlike days of this past week gave way to a day of snow squalls. Karl was thrilled.
I’m not sure Bob was thrilled, but he was out playing with bubbles in the water bowl.
A noon walk in Somers past the Ice House.
Yep, me! A little something from each of us.
Spring meltdown
Yes, the snow is melting and the ground is thawing – the spring meltdown.
But, I had a personal meltdown as well. A perfect storm of concerns, a few nights of little sleep, withdrawing instead of reaching out – meltdown.
I saw a bumper sticker not too long ago that said: “Don’t believe everything you think”. It was eye-opening to me. It put a name on something that happened when a person near to me allowed past issues unrelated to me to color perception of me and my actions in a complete misjudgment. To be untrusted and unbelieved was the most hurtful thing I’ve ever encountered in any personal relationship. And it all stemmed from the other person believing internal thoughts fed by internal insecurities versus the reality of me. The additional personal fallout for me was that I started questioning my actions – had I behaved in a way that fed this… Seeing the bumper sticker was immediately freeing for me in one of those a-ha moments.
Fast forward to this week and my little storm of worries. I not only believed what I thought, I projected and spun and lept into a fictional future of hurt and grief. And all the while I sort of understood what I was doing and repeatedly tried to talk myself out of the downward spiral: reciting scripture, praying, telling myself to “get a grip” and “walk the walk that I talked”: living in the moment, trusting God and his ultimate Love and care.
And still the storm of worry swirled around me. So first I posted Spring Break as the thought of posting anything at all seemed beyond me and I just wanted the blog to go away for awhile.
And then I spoke to a friend. And then to a professional advisor. And then to two more friends. And to my mother. And the storm passed, the sun came out, the air cleared. The unwritten future horrors in my head disappeared and I regained my peace and equanimity, my faith and my gratitude for the goodness of each real moment – the reality in front of me.
And I gave myself a break. It was literally a beautiful, sunny day when my personal storm cleared. I took some time off from working and sat outside with Karl and Bob and just let the early Spring day wash over me. I slept that night and things cleared even more with a good night’s rest.
As the week progressed, I marveled at the complete turnaround, back to my normal optomistic, serene self – enjoying the many simple and good things that are part of my life. And I thought about what had happened and what had I learned from the experience as I’d dearly love to not repeat it :)!
I know that I typically draw energy from solitude. I also know that it is that trait that gets me in trouble when I don’t recognize that I need to reach out and ask for help from those that I love and who love me. I don’t withdraw or try to solve things on my own in some misguided sense of independence or strength, but rather because most often, quiet time on my own is what recharges me. The trick for me, is to realize when the need is not to recharge but to have another person to share the burden.
I saved the following quote from an episode of J.A.G. some years ago:
We are each angels with only one wing and we can only fly by embracing each other.
For me, this week, my own personal Spring meltdown was halted by embracing the warmth and love of friends and family and allowing them to take care of me.
There is still a lot on my plate, but sharing some of my life on this blog is a joy and pleasure. So… I’m back from Spring Break and will continue as in the past – sharing some of Karl’s, Bob’s and my life, in Montana, from the front porch.
***All photos taken on 3/23/2011 with my phone