Archive for ‘August, 2013’

We’re home

I had an opportunity to drive home this morning and I took it.

Bear and I, in Wild Thing, departed the campground at 7:00 a.m. on the dot!

A big orange sun in the sky and in our hearts.

We’re home.

A beautiful morning

Coffee’s on, oven’s heating, dough for bread is rising.

6:30 ish a.m.

Bear and I walked out to the teepee, took a right and followed the Nature Trail to a summit we like.

The swing is just in front of the teepee.

Light in the sky on our return turned the morning sky pastel pink and blue.

The green area is the RV park – beautifully landscaped to provide shade and privacy.

Such a beautiful morning for Bear and me.

Mid morning, I took a break for a Jeep ride with Bear and a walk along the Missouri on our loop walk at the state park.

We passed Big Sky Animal Medical Center. I had planned to phone and let them know I was in town and to see if they could let the crematory know…

As I passed, I just felt like I should stop.

I did.

Carly was helping someone else but she saw me, smiled and said “I was going to phone you next”.

Bob’s ashes were back from the crematory and I have them. The crematory put together a most beautiful and comforting package which included a certificate, a packet with a tuft of Bob’s fur and Bob’s ashes in a gorgeous tin painted with pansies.

I love pansies.

It all caught me a bit off guard. The fur nearly undid me. But, ultimately, it was all comforting.

I don’t believe that Bob’s spirit is in the earthly remains, but for me, it is comforting and helpful and I am so grateful to have this part of him with Bear and I as we go home.

A beautiful morning, in all ways.

Back in Great Falls

Wild Thing is once again parked in Great Falls. We are in a different spot but still near the back of the park and easy access to the Nature Trail walk to the teepee and beyond.

Again we have a foilage buffer between us and neighbors.

Boy…Helena did NOT agree with Bear or me.

Below, taken at 5:10 p.m. …. I think it tells the story. We are relieved and glad to be here.

I drove the 94 miles over a longish lunch hour, working a few hours this morning and arriving in time for an afternoon work session.

During the work session, it got dark, the wind blew, thunder, lightning, the power went out!!!

But I am all about batteries: laptop, mobile hotspots – I finished the work session without a blip!

Fortunately, the whoosh of wind, etc. lowered the temperature so I did not need to fire up the genset but I was very glad when the power came back. A quick call to the park office and I was told that the entire east side of Great Falls had gone black. Thankfully, it didn’t take long to restore…just shy of 2 hours.

Wild Thing’s refrigerator changed over to propane so the wine was cold!!!

I think Bear is ready to be home.

I am ready to be home.

We are paid through Saturday morning as I hope that Bob’s ashes will be available to come with us, but if not, I have already paid for them to be shipped. Still, I would like to have them and all of us home together.

It still feels like the world has tilted on its axis. Disconcerting. As many times as I’ve lived through a loss event, it never gets easier. In fact, it gets more difficult.

BUT.

I keep the “BIG ORANGE SUN” of Bob’s love in my heart and mind.

And I work on living. To give in to less robs me and Bear of the joy of today. I absolutely know that neither Bob nor Karl nor Gus nor Zack would want anything other than joyful memory and joyful life.

Back in Great Falls.

Helena, MT mornings

I’ve been up early – even earlier than my norm. Monday, my plan was to make a quick and early stop at Wal-Mart, then a drive past a rural house I saw on the internet, arriving at a bar/restaurant reputed to have a good breakfast – close to its 8:00 a.m. opening.

I stopped at Bob’s Market to take the photo. I am partial to sunlit clouds and think of them as direct communication from God…some people think rainbows, a past church acquaintance thought streetlights that flickered out… anyway, for me, it is sunlit clouds.

I don’t actually get a detailed message, I just feel the connection and the peace.

The Wal-Mart run was brief and successful.

The drive to the house was mixed, but interesting and ultimately pretty but I never saw the house. Google Maps Navigation has been wonderful, except for this route and I finally gave up and headed for the breakfast spot – arriving about 8:40 and it was getting warm and no shade parking so we came home.

This morning, Tuesday, the plan was “Steve’s Cafe” – highly rated. It WAS very good and shade parking, although I was there about 7:30 – still, I felt better about leaving Bear in the Jeep and I had a table where I could see him.

I also fueled the Jeep and scouted the Costco parking lot for a hoped for 10:00 a.m. run…that all worked also.

Wild Thing is loaded. Neither Bear nor I will go hungry. Tomorrow morning we head back to Great Falls. No, I have no explanation, it is just what I want to do. I think we’ll head home on Saturday, but all plans are subject to change.

This morning, as we headed to breakfast…a red sunrise and again, sunlit clouds.

Arrived Helena, MT

Bear and I are parked and set up for the week in Helena, Montana…94 miles south of where we were in Great Falls.

I had close to something like a panic attack last night when I was thinking through the logistics of the move. I don’t know…it was like I was abandoning Bob. Off and on, I thought…well, I will just stay here another week, I do not HAVE to go.

I thought about waiting until I had Bob’s ashes with us. (I arranged to have them mailed to my house…) Silly…Bob is in my heart and mind and memory, but I also know that sometimes logic just does not cut it in the journey through loss.

I gave myself leeway to stay if I really needed to.

Off and on, this morning, I was tempted to stay but ultimately I was looking forward to spending some time in Helena and finally told myself to buck up and go.

Which we did.

And we are now here in Helena.

It was an easy drive on Interstate 15. The terrain changes from rolling ranch land to rocky caverns. It was and is smoky-hazy, but it was still very pretty. I stopped about halfway for a walk with Bear and a pre-lunch snack.

I had planned to go to the Helena Costco before the RV park and stock a few things but I needed gas…the first gas stop was actually the road the RV park is on and while stopped, some folks were asking about Bear and I asked about Costco and they said there was not a lot of open parking. The gas spot had an on-site market: Bob’s Market. I took that as a sign, got a few things from Bob’s and we rolled the last 1/2 mile to the RV park. We’ll hit Costco in the Jeep one morning this week.

And, I am so proud of myself…I thought up a new trick to help stay cool while hooking up/unhooking. This morning as I was in and out, taking my time, but still heating up (it was 70F!!!) – I took a dish towell, soaked it in cool water and tied it around my neck. Yes!! When I was ready to leave, I rinsed it, put it in a zip lock bag and then into the freezer. Arriving Helena: 76F, I put my semi-frozen horsehoe of a dishtowel around my neck as I unhooked the Jeep and hooked up water and power. VERY successful. I was still warm but much more comfortable and it took me only minutes to cool down once back in Wild Thing. Hoo-rah!

We don’t have shade here. We are pointed due North so taking the early afternoon sun off the driver side rear, but Wild thing is keeping up and it is not to be quite as hot as Great Falls. Also, there is a better chance of afternoon showers, just this 90 miles south.

Things are a bit more exciting for Bear. There are no kids but seems like everyone has a dog and he’s worn himself out thinking about that and is now sound asleep on the dash. I believe he will adjust.

I made myself a rather large margarita for an after lunch treat. I believe I will adjust also. But right now, I’m going to take a nap.

Onward.