There is a book by Alan Watts with the title “The wisdom of insecurity”. I read it … well slogged through it … about 12 years ago. I was 1 year into owning my current home. Some property maintenance was costing more than I’d anticipated and I had to make a decision whether to do the work or “play it safe”. I did the work. At the time, I felt strongly that I had been able to acquire this property for a reason … and that part of that was that I needed to properly care for it … the woods.

I have been an independent computer programming consultant, self-employed for nearly 34 years. In all of that time, there has been no guarantee from day to day that I would have work or income the next day. That seems unusual, but if you REALLY think about it, it is not. Anyone, real job or not, can be without work in the blink of an eye. We tend to think that “jobs” have some security. The reality is that they do not. Ask the employees of Jamie Oliver’s restaurants!

Another truth: none of us … NONE of us is guaranteed to see the next sunrise. A freak accident, being in the wrong place at the wrong time … just because we do not have a life threatening disease does NOT guarantee any of us a tomorrow. So. I REALLY believe in the wisdom of insecurity! I believe that we need to step back from a position of feeling in control and accept that insecurity is THE name of the game!

Despite the real insecurity of life, most plan for the future. While I typically operate on the “I’ll be here tomorrow” agenda, I am not a great planner. I am more of a “go with the flow” person. BUT, I do budget by cash flow. Since my “employment” future is of the variable nature, I plan so as not to live “paycheck to paycheck” and to be able to absorb some fluctuation in income.

AND, since my “contract” is renewed yearly and that process is never certain AND end of June is the renewal time … AND this year I was apprised that the uncertainty level was VERY high… I started thinking about options.

GASP! I went into a kind of planning mode: what will I do if …

It was a crazy place to be. I went so far as to contact a realtor for a “current market analysis” per the postcards I’d been receiving… in case I needed to sell up and “retire”. Good news/bad news. The “CMA” was produced in what I consider an historical accountant’s view, i.e. it was NOT a CURRENT market analysis, it was an analysis based on history and that history was 2 plus years old. Still, it threw me for a loop.

But, I regrouped and challenged the premise … NOT the final number, the premise.

AND, I changed my perspective back to my normally optimistic state of mind which is: I have always, ALWAYS had what I need. That is NEED, not want :)

In mid-April, before I’d been advised that my work situation was iffy, I bought a ring called “Little Hoot”. It is a Barred Owl. As I noted on my Instagram, I love owls and have seen and regularly hear Barred Owls. Additionally, the symbolism of owls (to me) is wisdom.

Before I’d received the ring, I heard the work news.

So. Wisdom potentially needed.

In a way, I panicked. I so hate admitting that, but in hindsight, it is the truth. On the other hand, one of the ways that I deal with insecurity and/or risky decisions is to go the place of “what if the worst happens, what will I do”. And dealing with that frees me from most of the fear and allows me to focus on positive, “normal” living: HOO RAH!!

AND THEN!!!

And then, having reached a calmer state, walking with Emmett and Auggie … mid-morning, i.e. full light … I heard a Barred Owl! Mid morning. I was completely taken aback but after my initial surprise, my first thought was: that means that I am to stay here and continue to take care of this woods.

Call me crazy, but that is what I believe. And so, I stepped forward … like Indiana Jones stepped out in faith on the unseen bridge. (Google “Indiana Jones Step of Faith”)

This past week, I received a “Monks of New Skete” monthly newsletter. One of the articles is titled “Spiritual Rest”. The gist is that sometimes we find ourselves in a “frantic state”.

Frantically wanting something, frantically trying to keep something, frantically avoiding something, frantically seeking God to intervene in my wanting, trying, avoiding. All this frantic emotion manifests itself in physical discomfort and pain, adding further to the frantic state.

Matthew 6:25-34 comes to mind…

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Right, then.

I trust in God, in myself, in my knowledge and experience and as so much of my life has rolled out in unexpected, but delightful, joy … Onward!

On this Memorial Day, a day when we (in the U.S.) remember those who paid with their lives to give us freedom, I would be less than respectful of that sacrifice if I gave in to fear for my own future.