Posts from the ‘Spirituality’ category

Evening Prayer

Actually, the 2nd verse of an Anglican hymn for the evening prayer worship (compline).

To you before the close of day, Creator of all things we pray
that in your constant clemency our guard and keeper you would be.

Save us from troubled, restless sleep, from all ill dreams your children keep;
so calm our minds that fears may cease and rested bodies wake in peace.

A healthy life we ask of you, the fire of love in us renew, and when the dawn
new light will bring, your praise and glory we shall sing.

Almighty Father hear our cry through Jesus Christ, our Lord Most High,
whom with the Spirit we adore, forever and for evermore.

I pray the second stanza when I have trouble sleeping.

Save us from troubled, restless sleep, from all ill dreams your children keep;
so calm our minds that fears may cease and rested bodies wake in peace.

photos taken 11/15/2008 – Swan Range, Montana

A Prayer

Let nothing disturb you, nothing distress you.

While all things fade away, God is unchanging

Be patient, for with God in your heart, nothing is lacking

God is enough.

These words attributed to St. Teresa’s prayer by the Jesuits, “Pray as you Go” MP3 devotion of 9/24/2008.

I use this prayer like a meditative chant when I feel anxious or fearful. Tonight, from my quiet home, with rain falling gently outside, Karl and Bob breathing softly near me, I lift it up for all who need peace.

A Prayer.

Ambition

1 Thessalonians 4:11

Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands.

Why on my doorstep?

Almost two weeks ago I wrote about my enjoyment of the blog Daily Coyote by Shreve Stockton. Shreve’s blog is a photo and essay chronology of “life with the coyote and beyond”. The coyote is Charlie, who was “dumped on her doorstep” when he was 10 days old.

I was walking up my driveway early one morning while Karl was doing his perimeter walk – our daily habit. Cup of coffee in hand, I was watching his neon blue lighted collar bob through the woods and my mind just wandering – looking forward to whatever Shreve would choose to share on her blog, thinking about my own, questions floating through my head… I got to wondering, “How did Charlie come to be left on her doorstep? – as in why her, by whom? Was it intentional to leave the pup with her or was her cabin just convenient to whoever found the pup or ??? These questions were just drifting lightly in my head along with wondering what she would disclose in her forthcoming book.

I kept coming back to “why on her doorstep”? And that led me to “Why do things get left on any of our doorsteps?” – as in – metaphorically, “Why do certain things happen?”. But that is not really the intriquing question – nor the intriguing answer… in my mind. The really interesting thing, the life-shaping “answer” is the answer to: “What do we do with what is left on our doorstep?”

What do we do with the crossroads-opportunity-decision required events that occur in our lives? For me, it is the “What do we do with it?” that makes the difference between existing and living and further, potentially shapes our lives in ways we cannot imagine at the time of the decision.

In a post titled “This needs to be said”, Shreve writes:

Charlie has changed my life in incredible ways; he has brought me joy and wonder and wisdom and has provided me with lessons I probably would not have learned any other way. However, it is not all peaches and roses.
….

Charlie was – and is – a divine gift to me and he is a gift to the world. Would I make the same decision if I had it to do over again? Absolutely. Will I ever raise another coyote? No way.

Obviously, a lot more to that post and there are other posts that provide a bit more insight, but what I saw in the writing (and I have no way of knowing if I’m accurate – please read this as my perception) was that at the time of needing to make a decision there was a certain amount of understanding of the potential difficulty, heartbreak and challenge of taking care of a wild animal, while at the same time an unwillingness to let the creature die. Further it seems that she was open to the idea that despite incredible difficulty, the experience “could” be of unknown blessing and beauty. And maybe all of those thoughts did not consciously pass through Shreve’s mind, but I don’t think you get to a point of “he has brought me joy and wonder and wisdom” without being open to that when accepting the responsibility of the decision.

The more life experience I have (read the older I get!), the more easily I recognize the potential joy, wonder and wisdom there may be to gain in what I do with what gets left on my doorstep. Whether it is the attitude, perspective, or actual decision that needs to be made – it is in making the choice of how to see, perceive or what to do that is, in reality, the only “control” I may have. Being open to the ensuing direction that my life takes – listening, watching and learning from the consequences – that, to me, is living.

The topic of this post has been rolling around in my head for a week or so and I have had a draft with the title and enough of a blip about the topic sitting in a file, waiting to be written. Yesterday, something landed on my doorstep that was initially disappointing, discouraging and a bit challenging. The thing has happened – “why” is of no real consequence. The adventure, the potential wisdom, joy and opportunity – those lie on the path of what I choose to do with what landed on my doorstep.

And this morning, I opened a devotional that I reread from time to time: “Mighty is Your Hand” – 40 day’s writings by Andrew Murray, a South African missionary/minister in the mid 1800’s. My reading for this day is titled “God Goes with Us”… just in case I had any doubt, that surely set the tone for my attitude and perspective.

Why on my doorstep? – I don’t know. What will I do with it? What wisdom, joy and wonder might come down the path I choose to take?

***And for additional inspiration, Shreve noted on Daily Coyote that her nearly 90 year old grandmother was blogging and provided the link: Svensto. It is magical story telling – and like granddaughter – making the choice about what to do with what landed on her doorstep.

Grace

Grace: unmerited favor, ease and suppleness of movement and bearing

I love the word grace – simply saying it invokes a feeling of serenity and harmony. I had this pottery made by a young woman in Whitefish, who, at the time was just starting to sell her work. She had several bowls – of mixing bowl size with words handwritten around them. I got to thinking that I would like my plates and cups and bowls to have words that inspired me so that as I had my morning coffee or ate a meal, I would see the words. And hopefully, the words – words like grace, hope, love, peace, faith, harmony, laughter, joy – these words would inspire me at the start and during the day – to remember what was really important – even and especially while dealing with the nuts and bolts of daily life.

Sometimes, this works…

Sometimes, I just look at my dog…who imparts grace in simply being near…

A loose hold

Oswald Chambers in My Utmost for His Highest – June 27 entry

“I am with thee to deliver thee, saith the Lord.” Jeremiah 1:8

God promised Jeremiah that He would deliver him personally. That is all God promises His children. Wherever God sends us, He will guard our lives. Our personal property and possessions are a matter of indifference, we have to sit loosely to all those things; if we do not, there will be panic and heartbreak and distress. That is the inwardness of the overshadowing of personal deliverance.

“Our personal property and possessions…we have to sit loosely to all those things; if we do not, there will be panic and heartbreak and distress.” This caused me to think – and remember the following from Brennan Manning in Ragamuffin:


The garbage in most of our lives is the relentless anxiety and agitation created by the fear that we will not get enough of the world’s goodies to feel safe, secure and turned on.

It was a feeling that I was holding on too tightly and fretting too much over “things” that started me thinking about making changes on From the Front Porch (see On Eagles Wings post or page). My motives for adding advertising, for advertising on other blogs, for commenting on other blogs – were not entirely or even primarily, motives of greed. It costs money to self-host. Cameras, accessories, software – big bucks. As the number of people reading From the Front Porch grew and I discovered that my comments elsewhere led people to find me – AND – as I realized how much I loved the writing and photography, I wondered if I could subsidize this new love. I enjoyed the sense of community among bloggers. I see nothing wrong in making a living from writing and photography on a blog. It is self-publishing – a wonderful form of entrepreneurship.

My personal discontent with what I was doing stems not from the vehicle or the original motivation but the sense of anxiety I grew to have over the “numbers” for the day – how many comments, how many pageviews… And I started to pay attention to which entries seemed to get the most attention and maybe I should do more like that. And I started to not like doing it and longing for the mornings when I wrote for me.

My “day” job – my programming work – it is going well. I enjoy that work very much and feel extremely grateful that I have been able to make a good living doing something I enjoy – from a home office. And in this day of wi-fi, aircards, i.e. internet virtually everywhere, I can work from anywhere.

These thoughts, anxiety over money, over the house, over the future – fueled by this thought that if I wrote well enough, if my photography was good enough, it would “save” me from future fluctuations in programming work, or enable me to write and shoot full time. Suddenly I realized I was living in a way that I dislike – living with the feeling that I could control the future. Worse, I was not enjoying “now” as I tried to maintain control.

On June 27, I read the Oswald Chambers entry and finally “leaned not on my own understanding”. I have always had “enough”… It took a few days to loosen the hold. But, once I let go, enormous peace… It is a good path for me, this loose hold on things. It is when I do my best work – programming, writing or photography. It is when I am the best “me”. “Let go in reckless confidence” – another Brennan Manning theme – one I have written on the top of the spreadsheet I use for tracking my time for my programming work – something for me to remember every day.

On this Fourth of July, this day of Independence for our country, I will also celebrate an independence from fretting about the future and simply enjoy today.

“This is the day the Lord hath made. Rejoice and be glad in it” Psalm 118:24